Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
