Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
