Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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