i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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