There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
vagina is talking i cant
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
