one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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