He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
