...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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