omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
