I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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