Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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