is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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