definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
