I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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