I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
