so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
