Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
