I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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