he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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