Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
