Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
