You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i now understand why vodka
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