i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
