His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
