Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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