the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
