She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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