I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
