the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
