I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
