I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
