What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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