I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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