life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
