So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
