new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm sobbing to NWA
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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