You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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