some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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