I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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