I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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