how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
