i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
