the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
how drunk are you?
Several
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
