I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
