It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this just has baby written all over it
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
