If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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