dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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