yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
