I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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