We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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