My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
