My first STD was from a foam party
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
