so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
