We won't sleep together?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just google imaged poop.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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