we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
