Who wears a wallet chain?!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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