I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
