Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
