My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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