my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
