I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
