How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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