im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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