please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you traded sex for a burrito?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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