what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
