Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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