Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
