I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
